Been a while, I’ve been occupied with other things that I really should post about (crafting stuff, I have an Etsy store now!), but posting now because there’s gender stuff that needs logging. Other stuff may happen now this is done.

I had a Gender Identity Clinic appointment today about deciding not to have a hysterectomy. Long story short, I was suffering panic attacks, insomnia and depression, and when I worked out it was about surgery and decided not to have it, all that stress went away. There were other concerns, too (like if we no deal brexit, how fucked is the NHS and can I afford to pay for testosterone?), but the main one was that I knew that I would regret it if I had the surgery. I absolutely do not want to end up as a transgender regrets statistic, because as of right now the only ‘regret’ I have is not being able to transition sooner. Surgery just seems unnecessary and invasive at this point, especially as I don’t have excessive dysphoria about my nether regions (I may do if I wasn’t basically asexual, but I am, so it’s a non-issue), and all I wanted was to stop heavy, painful periods on a 3 week cycle because, trans or cis, it’s something that sucks.

Anyhow, I went in to the appointment ready for battle, explained what happened and my feelings on the matter, doc says, ‘Oh, why don’t we try Depo Provera?’, to which I smiled and nodded enthusiastically, because that’s what I wanted when all this started 2 years back. My first appointment back in 2017 about all this was with a nurse who basically said surgery was the only option and it was about time to get rid of the reproductive bits anyway, because cANcER, at which point she referred me to the doc to sort it. So this will be why Depo it was never actually discussed.

In hindsight I’m Very Annoyed with her, because that’s two years of heavy, painful periods and fucking around wasting appointments other people could have used. We had a phone appointment a couple of months back, and she was all bright and cheery until I said I wasn’t having surgery and I should get an appointment with the doc to discuss things. She went suddenly very cold and lecturing, citing new NHS guidelines saying blockers etc aren’t given after 6 months on testosterone, and a hysterectomy was best because of the CaNCeR risk (seriously, she was really big on the cancer thing).

Her implication was that the doc would agree with her, hence me getting ready to battle. The doc was totally relaxed and agreed with me about my concerns and wanting to try something less invasive, and said everything I was prepared to say about the link between testosterone and cancer in trans guys is theoretical and so minuscule it’s not really worth worrying about unless you have epic family history, just make sure to get the usual screenings done. Was one of the simplest appointments I’ve had, and I’m now discharged back into GP care. Hurray!

So now I’m looking back and WTFing about the nurse’s attitude and wondering if that was some weird gatekeepery shit based on what she thinks a proper trans person should do or some such bullshit. Though we’re talking about the same nurse who insists on calling testosterone ‘boy juice‘ which is cringeful enough without taking into consideration that I was 38 bloody years old when she said that to me (I’m 99% certain I have at least 5 years on her in age), and she said boys were shit at taking meds despite me saying I have to take meds daily to keep me alive, and don’t have a problem. It evidently didn’t fit with her world view. Anyway, maybe now I can just get on with life without stressing about all of this.

Also, they paid travel expenses, which is nice.